Words Written But Never Said
by redvelvetjade
Summary: One shot inspired by Jennette McCurdy's Mom's Battle with Cancer in Response To a Cam Challenge issued by super67759.They Were written On paper in front of her the very words she longed to hear Why couldn't she hear them in places other then her dream?


**A/n This is in response to a Cam challenge issued last year by ****super67759**** which I just found out about. It's also inspired by recent events in the amazing gorgeous Jennette McCurdy's life which break my heart. It's called Words Written But Never Said... The Word I Chose Was Fanfiction...check out the challenge it's pretty awesome if you like Cam. As far the small fact of ownership Yes, Yes I do own icarly because that's what we rich people who own TV Shows do is stay up late online and write Children's fan fictions ...Cause we have nothing else to do with our awesome lives..JK I Own Nothing..:{ Wait I do own two cats..Just don't tell them we let them think they own us...Animals...I tell ya always have to be the boss.. **

**Words Written But Never Said.**

**Sam's p o v**

It wasn't suppose to happen not now not like this . I didn't see it coming how could I? I could feel the tears threatening again. Damn it why couldn't I stop them? Hadn't I cried enough? How many more tears could one person shed over the course of two weeks? Just because I didn't shed them external didn't make them any less real did it? Deep breaths I kept telling myself over and over but it never seems to calm me any . I kept trying to block out the words she said the tone in which she said them, was it a joke? If it was how sick could a person be? Sighing I placed my head on the back of my bean chair and sunk down. Shivering I pulled one of Carly's blankets over my shoulders as I curled up on the bean bag and tried to stop the memories from pouring through my mind. Why Couldn't I just turn them off? Like my emotions I was so good at creating Masks to cover how I feel but I just couldn't stop these damn memories. They washed over me just like a waterfall over a stone it had no chance but it stood still.

_Your Useless Sam Just like your Two Timing Drunk_

_Cheating Bastard of a Father God I can't believe I let that _

_Con artiest Ever talk me into having kids! Biggest Mistake of my life!_

_Twins ha you can NEVER Be like your sister Melanie is perfect she's sweet, she's smart_

_She's pleasant she never gets into Trouble Your a waste of space a mistake that I should of _

_Gotten Rid of years ago what have you ever done for me?_

_You caused me headaches you smeared my name made me look like I was incompetent_

_I'm not a incompetent Mother _

_I just had the Shittiest luck to get the worlds worst Daughter_

_Why why Did I have to get a Juvenile Delinquent Retarded Slut of a Kid_

_What did I do to deserve this curse? _

_Why God Why!_

She threw the empty beer bottle across the room I had to dive for cover throwing myself into the wall I was crowding against . Like always I was left shaken and speechless as she went into one of her drunken rants. I could smell the booze on her breath from clear across the room. She had been at it since I had gotten home 2 hours ago. I knew I was in for it when I came home to see her car there she was never home any more she was always with what ever Loser found himself Desperate enough to take her home. They would usually go out to all hours into the nights party til they were so high and so drunk that they ended up in bed ..I would hear them at it it made me sick..but at least she wasn't taken out her life's frustrations on me. Unlike now. Why was she home? Couldn't she find some jerk willing to put up with her? She had started as soon as I came in first with the screaming at what a useless free loader I was how I was too lazy to get a job how I was ruining her life..then came the hitting the kicking, punching ,scratching, beating . Back to the screaming and crying the throwing things...Now back to the up close and personal she was grabbing me as I screamed at her to stop begging her to stop she was hurting me I couldn't take it ..she didn't care she just kept hitting me, I felt the blood pouring from my nose , lips as she slammed my head into the wall.

_Useless that's why I have all this stress it's because of you!_

_Your the reason! Your the reason !_

_I hate you! I hate you , you piece of..._

_God Why! What did I do!_

_I was pretty I was smart I had everything and you took it away!_

The foot action came as it met my already delicate tender stomach. I didn't dare groan or cry out I didn't even wince. The pain was unbearable though..but what bugged me the most was what was she talking about this seemed different then her usual rants it had a desperate tone to it why was she yelling at God and not our Cat like she always did in the past.

The blows got worse I felt my jaw crack under the last I tasted the blood I coughed and gagged fighting off the nauseated feeling rising in the bottom of my stomach. I wanted out so bad no one could ever know.

_Mom Stop Please!_

_Please Mommy Stop!_

_I'm sorry I'm so sorry For whatever I did to you!_

_You were born you Disgusting Demon you were born and you ruined my Life!_

_I should of never let your father talk me into having you ! Course then I wouldn't have my Beautiful Mel-Baby but I would give it all to go back and get rid of you!_

_I could of been happy just me and Mel no trouble making brat_

_But No god cursed me with You _

_Your the reason I have so much stress Your the reason I drink! Your the reason Why I'm dying!_

_Your the reason I have this Disease destroying my body _

_It's because of You!_

_I swear You'll pay!_

I was in a state of shock I didn't feel the blows I didn't taste the blood I didn't feel the dizziness overcome me. Did she just say what I thought she said?

Her Cancer was back? Was my mother dying? Was it really my fault? What did I do? Did my getting into trouble all the time cause her to drink so much that she destroyed her liver? Was that why she beat me? Yelled at me? Did I deserve it? I did didn't I ? I mean if I gave my mother this horrible illness after she gave me life , didn't I earn every bruise every cut?

I was so confused ..I was angry..How could my mom be sick again? Sure I knew she had been sick 15 years ago when I was 2..but she fought it she got a transplant she had treatments she went into remission..She was declared Cancer free...but now it was back How the hell was that possible? Why didn't the doctors catch it sooner?

The tears fell I didn't want them to..but then my mom didn't want to be sick again and she didn't get a choice..but I did have one and crying wasn't one of them..I wiped them away. I needed a distraction Carly was tutoring a kid of a girl who Spencer was crushing on , Freddie was having his weekly Tick bath..I was alone ..I hated to be alone..I sat up groaning it still hurt ..The Bruises were slowly fading but they weren't gone.

Music ..it would help but it would be too loud the walls were paper thin Carly liked it quite so her students could concentrate better. Sighing I pulled up Freddie's laptop..Geek stuff yuck I clicked out ignoring the little box that popped up saying something like "_would you like to save this file exiting out without saving changes could result in files not being properly saved" _searching the internet I clicked onto and went to the icarly section it always calmed me to read fiction it was pretty cool to read what the fans thought of us some wrote pretty wild tales that no human could ever live even ones with crazy lives like ours. I settled on a cam one about Me, Carly living as nuns on a deserted island leading our own tribes..I laughed out loud at that it reminded me of a skit we did on icalry a few years back. As a rule I never left a review I didn't want it to be known I was checking out the site and make our fans edgy. I read a few more it amazed me how well the fans could see the chemistry between Carly and I..it was kind of scary to this is why Carly was so against us dating ..even though it was my dream ..she didn't want the fans seeing though us she wanted to be a good role model to our younger viewers and she was afraid of what parents would say ..of what it would do to our ratings.. we needed icarly on our collage resumes... What she didn't get was I needed her more..the thought of not being able to touch her of not being able to kiss her killed me she was fine in private but on the outs we weren't allowed to be affectionate she didn't want anybody knowing and I respect her too much to do anything to disrespect her but damn it was so hard living without her. I read a few more and was staring to get sleepy so I curled up gasping as pain shot through me a spasm took over .I had to wait and take deep breaths...I scrolled through till I found one that seemed Promising Concrete Angel I took a drink of peppy cola and started to read...

_Through the wind and the rain she stands hard as a stone  
>In a world that she can't rise above<br>But her dreams give her wings and she flies to a place  
>Where she's loved concrete angel <em>

_Mommy Stop! Please I didn't mean to upset you!_

_I was just trying to help Mommy _

_No Mommy stop!_

No one heard her crying in the middle of the night She should be use to it right? It was just another night in the life of Sam Puckett ..Everyone thought that just because she stared on a popular web show since she was 13 that her life was perfect that she had no reason to complain that life never dealt her hardship. Well they were wrong so dead wrong..Sam knew all about hardships and Life cruel tricks after all it gave her Pam Puckett as a mother Pam a former beauty Queen Pageant who met the wrong guy too young started having sex too young started doing drugs lost her tittle and got pregnant ..She was left alone when her boyfriend went to jail she had two twin girls to are for ..no money no job...she turned to sex ,to drugs she let life get the best of her and she lost her youth and for that she blamed Sam..she couldn't blame her sweet baby Mel who was always smiling and laughing..who couldn't take being yelled at so she sent her away to a boarding school she was stuck with Sam..She resented it she took it out on her...Sam she was strong she had to be right? She had to be tough to survive...she told no one yet people knew alright they saw the Bruises on her body ..People like her teacher ...her principal people who could help her ..people who turned away...no one wanted to get involved not with the Puckett's that meant dealing with the crazy criminals.. so she took each blow and tried to think about the day when she could escape...

_Somebody cries in the middle of the night  
>The neighbors hear but they turn out the light<br>A fragile soul caught in the hands of fate  
>When morning comes it will be too late <em>

Her screams were loud enough to wake the whole damn neighborhood but in her neighborhood those types of screams were the normal so no one cared. If they did they turned away it wasn't their kid their sister..it wasn't their problem right?

_Mom I swear when I painted the room I was just trying to help!_

_Help you ruined it you stupid brainless idiot _

_I was five momma I'm sorry!_

_Sorry Good for nothing piece of …_

_Mom NO!_

It was too late her mother's fist of fury were already on her blood splattered from her face from her head as she fell down the steps smashing into a wall her eyes rolled back..she gasped as the blows kept coming all Sam saw was white.. A Gorgeous , tanned brown haired white Angel... she had come for her she had come to take Sam away from her pain..

_You'll be okay now Sam it's safe to let go come with me_

_Will be together forever I promise.._

_Your Dreams Reality now It's just the two of us..._

Sam takes her hand speechless as her angel lifts her up and she feels weightless it's amazing to her she looks into the Angel's eyes and see's the most gorgeous sight..the one she's seen every night in her dreams since she was old enough to know.. know what true love meant..old enough to know that she Sam Puckett was in love..With the most perfect ,sweet, gorgeous, talented , smartest , funniest person in the whole world..her best Friend Carly Shay...She had known for years she just never had the guts to say it...Now she didn't have to...

_A statue stands in a shaded place  
>An angel girl with an upturned face<br>A name is written on a polished rock  
>A broken heart that the world forgot<em>

_Through the wind and the rain she stands hard as a stone  
>In a world that she can't rise above<br>But her dreams give her wings and she flies to a place  
>Where she's loved concrete angel <em>

She over looked the statue she saw her standing there she saw the tears she reached down from her heavenly throne and brushed them away..the Brown eyed Brown haired girl looked up startled where did it come from? She looked all around was she going crazy?

_Sam..._

_I love You.. _

She whispered hoping against hope..silence expect the birds chipping Dumb animals didn't they know when to shut up? Nothing the girl's tears fell harder as she fell onto her knee's..

_Sam! _

_What are you doing? _

_Carly don't scare me! Dang you almost made me pee in my pants again.._

She grinned playfully shoving me blushing as she remembered the last time she scared me I chuckled shouldn't this be the other way around wait? Shouldn't I be blushing? Shouldn't she be laughing? Oh well typical for us..I stared at the page which made me shudder sometimes the fans saw right through us to well..how did they know that this was so much like my real life? I did my best so no one saw what it was like. I scanned the fanfiction my eyes fell on the words that were written words she hadn't said to me out loud yet.

_Sam..._

_I love You.._

They couldn't know could they? That Carly was my Angel that she is the one that saves me from the storm ..expect I was luckier. I didn't have to die to be with my love..She was right here..Carly pulled herself into the bean bag in back of me pulling me into her lap. I could feel her muscles pumping ones no one knew she had she was far stronger then anyone could ever guess. She was tired though I could feel it. I could hear it in her breathing. I laid my head on her chest she felt amazing, she smelled amazing..Closing my eyes I breathed her in...

_Sam _

_Yea? _

_I love You to_

I smiled she may not be able to say them out in public but she said it to me and she showed it to me. I knew she loved me. I leaned up as I stared into her eyes and she smiled coming closer God she was gorgeous...I reached up feeling her soft skin against my palms as her soft sensual lips touched mine

hesitantly at first then with so much more passion. She pulled me till our chests were touching our breaths were one in the same our moans were echoing as we collapsed on each other..

_Sam No one's home Spencer's gone to stay at Socko's till Monday_

_So What are you Saying Carls?_

_I'm saying I'm ready if you are.._

_You mean ?_

_Yes.._

She extended her hand to me her eyes full of passion and fear she was scared I would reject her..

**A/N There it is Fanfiction one shot to the Cam Challenge stay tuned for the Squeal Caught..Coming Soon To A Fanfiction. Net Site Near You..Lol..So what Did You think ? Love it Hate it? Tell Me Nicely ..Ya know How To ...See That button Down there ? No not that One..No..Yes You got it that one! The one that says REVIEW well hit it please...Feed the Bard We Love it...We Don't Bite I promise as long as you don't...**

**Song C****oncrete Angel By Martina McBride **

**This Story was inspired by some real life events going on in Jennette's life her Mom who was diagnosed with Breast Cancer when Jennette was 2 she went into remission for 15 years but recently relapsed it's metastasized through her whole body including her brain ..Jennette Wrote an amazing article about it which you can find here...**

**.com/speakeasy/2011/06/11/off-camera-my-moms-fight-with-cancer/?mod=google_news_blog**

**Please Read it and Do what you can even something simple as Praying For her family Raising awareness of Breast Cancer or tweeting her your support. I am so worried about her and she needs her fans to show her love. Cancer is horrible I know cause I see it every day but to go through it with a family member is the scariest gut wrenching feeling ever. I know how loyal icarly fans are so let's show Jennette. **


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